I have never actually been in a romantic relationship. I have never had a girlfriend. I have never kissed a girl (for real). I have only ONCE asked a girl out. And then I got scared after a couple of months of dates and ended it.
After wanting to get married almost my entire life I felt like a failure. But it was okay because many of my other friends were single too. My twin brother was single. There was no pressure.
Back when God changed the course of my life by convicting me of the spiritual need of many around the world who have not heard about Jesus, I dropped out of my Science program and UFV and began attending Columbia Bible College in an effort to know more about the Bible in preparation to teach it in the field.
I remember with horror the day I spoke with my grandparents about my switch in education. My grandfather believed that marriage was intended for basically all Christians (with the exception of a few whose 'gift' it was to stay single) and he believed that one should never pursue missions work as a career goal. He informed me that I could consider some short term missions work once I had established myself in a good career and a solid marriage. I made the mistake of saying in passing, “but what if I never get married?” “He that hath a wife hath a good thing!” was his response.
That night I laid in bed and promised God that I would never put anything, even something as good as marriage, before doing what God leads me to do. No matter what I was willing to sacrifice it.
Over the next few years God had me sacrifice many things for the sake of following His lead, and one of those things was relationships. I can recall several times when the Holy Spirit specifically lead me away from getting involved with a woman for the sake of completing the task at hand or for the sake of starting a new task.
So now I am 26 and it is not as easy to hide just how single I am. Many of my friends are in serious relationships. Some have babies already. My twin brother has tied the knot. And now it seems that everyone wants to set me up with someone more than ever.
But my heart has changed regarding marriage. While I still see it as good and as something I would love to experience, I also see so much value in being single. I can serve God in an uninhibited way, I won't have the financial strain. I will never have to worry about splitting my time between my family and my work. God is more free to use me however He chooses, and because of the way God has been transforming my mind over the past few years, I see so much more value in this than I used to.
So to the well-meaning people out there who insist that I will get married, that God FOR SURE has someone for me, and who try to set me up with any and every girl they have ever met or heard of who has been involved in or would like to be involved in any sort of missionary work I say this. Please stop treating me like a pathetic lonely single person who is missing out on life and an amazing future because I am not married. When I say that I might never get married, don't respond in pity and say, “Oh, you will!” Because I am not saying that I may never get married because I feel sorry for myself. I am saying it because it is something I find great value in that the Holy Spirit has been empowering me more and more to accept, not begrudgingly, but with great joy!
Marriage is a gift from God! A beautiful thing. But singleness is not the opposite. If marriage is a Van Gogh, singleness is a Rembrandt. Just a different kind of beauty.
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